The Little Bonzai Tree
by Cynical Countess
Summary: A strange & humorous parody of Card Captors & The Little Mermaid


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This story is based loosely off a private joke between my friend and I, and my favorite Disney movie, The Little Mermaid. *awww* Anyway, the people are somewhat out of character, but not too far off. If you hated my other story, don't read now, and forever hold your peace. I don't own Card Captors or The Little Mermaid, so please don't sue me! I'm only a poor humble college student! *breaks down and cries* Oh no...  
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The Little Bonzai Tree: Chapter 1  
  
  
"Tomoyo! Li is going to take me to Disney World tomorrow!" Sakura told her best friend, her brown eyes sparkling with glee.   
  
Tomoyo looked at the girl she was in love with, as she had so many times in the past. "The new Disney World they just opened up in Tokyo last month, right?"   
  
Sakura nodded happily. "Yeah, he won free tickets on the radio last week, and   
they just came in the mail yesterday."   
  
Tomoyo smiled in attempt to look happy. "Great! I hope you two have fun."   
  
Sakura frowned. "But, Tomoyo, you're not going with us? He has three tickets. I was really hoping you'd come along."   
  
Tomoyo considered. She loved Sakura more than anything, and she'd love to spend a day with her in a fun place like Disney World, but...Li would be there, which meant Sakura would be spending her time with him, looking at him the way Tomoyo wished she would look at her. And that would leave Tomoyo to hang out with Kero all day. Tomoyo frowned at the thought of having that annoying little bath sponge hovering around her all day. "Oh, I don't know Sakura. Maybe you and Li should just go, and I'll stay home and work on some new outfits for you."   
  
"To-mo-yo! Please! It would mean a lot to me. I won't have the courage to spend the day alone with Li if you're not there too. You're my best friend, I need your support!" she pleaded.   
  
Tomoyo couldn't resist when Sakura looked at her with those pretty brown eyes. "Oh, alright Sakura. I'll go." she agreed reluctantly.   
  
Sakura ran over and hugged her affectionately. "Thanks Tomoyo! This means a lot to me! I'm   
going to go call Li!" she exclaimed before running out of the room.   
  
"God I hate that girl." muttered Kero.  
  
The next day Tomoyo wished she'd never agreed to go. Ever since they got to the park, Li   
had kept Sakura all to himself, and Tomoyo never even got a moment to chat with her friend.   
Instead she had to put up with Kero's grumpy ass and the children who kept asking where   
she'd won him, and if they could buy him from her. Tomoyo was tempted to sell the little bath   
sponge, she was so angry.   
  
"Tomoyo, let's go get on the bumper cars!" Sakura offered, noticing her friend's unhappy face.   
  
"No thanks, Sakura. I'm not in the mood for bumper cars." Tomoyo replied quietly.   
  
Sakura's brown eyes showed concern. "What's wrong Tomoyo? Are you not having a good time?" She put an arm around her friend's shoulder.   
  
Tomoyo sighed. "It's just that ever since we got here, all you've been doing is hanging out with Li. I've been stuck with Kero all day, and he's no fun at all. I think you and Li should've just come here by yourselves, because I'm just in the way."   
  
Sakura stared back at her in shock. "Oh, I'm so sorry Tomoyo! I didn't realize how you felt. It's just that I really like Li. But, come on, let's go on the bumper cars together."   
  
Tomoyo brightened. "Okay. You know Sakura, you always make me feel better. That's why I lo-"   
  
"Hey Sakura! Come on! Two seats just opened up on the Tunnel of Love!" yelled Li as he grabbed Sakura's arm.   
  
"But Li, I just told Tomoyo-"   
  
"Oh come on Sakura!" Li said as he tugged her away towards the ride.   
  
Sakura looked back over her shoulder at Tomoyo apologetically. "Sorry." she mouthed silently. Tomoyo stared after them until they were gone and then she allowed a single large tear to roll down her cheek.   
  
"God, I hate him." said Kero.   
  
"So do I." sniffed Tomoyo. "I wish he'd never come here. Now, I'll never get to tell Sakura that I love her."   
  
"Eww! Gross!" exclaimed Kero. "I'm outta here!" he said, flying off after Sakura and Li. Tomoyo put her face in her hands and sobbed.   
  
"Aww, you poor, lovesick little girl." said a husky female voice. A shadow fell over her, and she turned around startled. Standing before her was a tall slender and beautiful brown haired   
woman. Around her neck was a gold seashell. She leaned down and offered Tomoyo a tissue. Tomoyo took it and dried her eyes. It was the softest thing she'd ever felt. Even softer than the time she'd run out of toilet paper and wiped her ass with Kero. God, how he hated her for that.   
  
She looked up gratefully. "Thank you Miss...um..."   
  
"Ursula." the woman replied kindly. "I only wish I could help you further, Tomoyo."   
  
"How do you know my name?"   
  
Ursula smiled smugly. "Oh, I know a lot of things, honey. It comes with having magic powers. But mostly I just overheard your conversation with your friend."   
  
"Oh." Tomoyo nodded. She felt the urge to walk away, but curiosity got the best of her."How could you help me?" she asked.   
  
Ursula smiled again. "Walk with me, talk with me honey." she said, hugging Tomoyo and pulling her along. "You see, with powers like mine, I could pretty much do whatever I wanted. But, I choose to specialize in helping poor unfortunate souls. Like yourself." She tweaked Tomoyo's nose. "I help people with all sorts of problems. No money, no friends, bad gas. But my favorite ones to help are the lovesick. I just have a knack for matchmaking." Tomoyo stopped when she saw they had come to the entrance to a tent. She turned around and saw the park was far in the distance. She couldn't believe they had strayed so far in such little time, and she was more than a tad scared. But... if this woman could help to make Sakura love her, maybe it was a good idea to try. The woman didn't seem threatening or crazy. "So honey, are you coming inside or what? I have a long list of people to help today, and the only reason I bumped you ahead is because I think you deserve Sakura more than that rude ass boy." Ursula said, looking down at her impatiently.   
  
"Oh, uh sure." Tomoyo said, stepping inside. The tent looked much larger on the inside. It was a spacious room with doorways, shelves, and a big black cauldron sitting in the center. And all over the place were bonzai trees of all colors and sizes. Tomoyo kneeled down beside a brilliant red one. "Oooh, your trees are so beautiful! I've never seen any like them!" she exclaimed with wonder.   
  
Ursula seemed genuinely pleased. "Why thank you, child. I am a collector of souls, I mean sorts!" She settled down in a big brown armchair. "Now, let's get down to business. You deeply love this Sakura. But she is smitten with that insufferable Li. Hmm, I have many ideas for your position, yes I do." She stood up and moved to the shelves, snatching various jars and vials from each, carrying them all over to the cauldron. She began emptying them in, in no particular order. Tomoyo turned away from the trees to watch. Bright colors and twisted, grimacing faces rose out of the pot with each new vial. Horrible moans and warnings issued forth from the faces before they disappeared.   
  
"What the fuck?!" screamed Tomoyo.   
  
"Oh, don't mind them." replied Ursula reassuringly. "The potions are just a little old, and they act funny when activated sometimes."  
  
"Oh." said Tomoyo, content.   
  
"Hmm, so let us see... Well, I'm having a special today. So option 1, I'll kill Li for you." The image of a skull and crossbones rose out of the pot, followed by the scene of Li stepping out into the street and getting hit by a school bus and flattened into a pulp. Sakura falls to her knees on the sidewalk, screaming.   
  
"Cool!" exclaimed Tomoyo. "Oh, I mean, no, that would devastate Sakura. I don't want to do that." she said quickly.   
  
Ursula shrugged. "Okay. Option 2, I turn you into a boy, and you can woo your love openly." The cauldron showed the image of some testis, followed by the scene of Tomoyo entering her classroom as a stunningly sexy blue haired boy, sitting down next to Sakura, who promptly falls into his arms with hearts in her eyes. Li glares at him angrily, and five minutes later they are out on the playground fighting. Tomoyo is stomping Li's face into the ground while Sakura sits on the swings cheering.   
  
"Hmm... but being a guy might be kind of weird. I don't think so."   
  
Ursula sighed. "Okay, now this last one always works like a charm. Option 3, I send Li away for a week, leaving you time alone with your precious Sakura." The cauldron showed the image of a heart, followed by a scene of Sakura & Tomoyo spending time together, napping together, bathing together, and cuddling.   
  
Tomoyo's eyes bugged out of her face. "I'll take it!"   
  
"Hold up young grasshopper, let me explain the details of the game plan." Ursula pulled out a contract and read from it. "Now, you have exactly seven days with Sakura. You have to make her fall in love with you. By sunset on the seventh day, she has to kiss you. But not just any kiss, it must be the Kiss of True Love. If you can do that, then she's yours forever, Li will find someone else, and you'll owe me absolutely nothing."   
  
Tomoyo considered. "And if I can't?"   
  
"Then I retain all payment, and you belong to me."   
  
Tomoyo wasn't sure what that meant, but she just knew she could win Sakura's heart. "I'll do it!"   
  
"Just one more thing honey, method of payment. What I want from you is... your voice."   
Ursula said grinning evilly.   
  
"But without my voice, how will I-"   
  
"You have your looks, your pretty face! Hell, write the bitch a note, I don't care! But what's it gonna be? I'm a busy woman!"   
  
Tomoyo took a deep breath. "I'll do it."   
  
"Alright!" Ursula shouted. The colors in the pot began to swirl madly and the shell around her neck glowed a ghostly white. "Now SING!" she commanded. Tomoyo opened her mouth.   
  
"Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want! So tell me what you want, what you really really want! I wanna huh, I wanna huh-"   
  
"Oh God, shut the fuck up!" screamed Ursula. Tomoyo closed her mouth, embarrassed. Ursula shuddered. "Okay, how about this. Just breathe into the goddamn shell." she said, holding it out to her. Tomoyo did as she was told, and felt a bit of wind flow out of her mouth into the shell. She tried to speak and found that she couldn't. Ursula cackled madly and the colors flew out of the pot and spun all around them. The contract hovered in Tomoyo's face, and terrified, she signed it, and bolted from the tent. "Remember! You only have one week! Win her love if you can! I'll be back for you! Sucker!" Ursula yelled after her.   
  
Tomoyo fell at the entrance to the tent, got up, and kept running. She ran smack into Sakura.   
"Hey! Tomoyo! What are you doing?" she asked in surprise. Tomoyo stared at her in shock,   
and then turned around. The tent was gone, behind her was the cotton candy stand.   
  
"Maybe I dreamt it all." she thought. She opened her mouth to tell Sakura nothing was wrong, but realized that she couldn't speak! Holy shit! She tried again to speak, but nothing came out.   
  
Sakura was now looking at her like she was crazy. "Tomoyo? Are you alright?" Tomoyo   
tried in desperation to make some sound, any sound. A guttural growl issued forth from her   
throat followed by a series of gurgling noises. Sakura backed away, a look of terror on her   
face. "Uh Tomoyo, what the hell are you doing? You're starting to scare me..."   
  
Kero flew over. "She's been scaring me since I met her. What's wrong with her now?"   
Sakura shook her head. "I don't know. She won't tell me."   
  
Tomoyo was starting to get desperate, she didn't like the way her friend was looking at her. She tensed her body and tried one last time to make some kind of sound. "Pffffft." As she watched the statement on Sakura's face go from concerned to disgusted, she realized that wasn't exactly a good sound to make.   
  
Kero was pinching his nose shut and glaring at her. "That was disgusting! But I'd expect no better from you, Tomoyo." Tomoyo blushed furiously and looked to Sakura for help. She made hand motions at her throat, hoping her friend would catch on.   
  
Sakura's eyes lit up. "Oh! Are you sick? You have a sore throat?"   
  
"Probably been giving too much head." Kero muttered. Tomoyo reached out and slapped the little bath sponge to the dirt. "God, I hate you." he coughed.   
  
Sakura kept guessing. "You're thirsty? Your voice is parched?" Tomoyo nodded. "Oh! You lost your voice! Is that all? I'm sure you'll get it back in no time." Sakura gave her a reassuring hug.   
  
"With that settled, can we leave?" asked Kero.   
  
"Sure, I think we should take Tomoyo home and get her some tea." Sakura said, and began walking towards the exit. Tomoyo tugged on her sleeve and motioned with her hands. She pointed at her butt and made a circle shape with her hands. "Rear... circle?" asked Sakura, clearly confused.   
  
Kero rolled his eyes. "She means asshole, Sakura. He left, Tomoyo. He had to go. Some   
type of asshole family business, I guess."   
  
"Kero!" Sakura shrieked.   
  
"What?"   
  
"Oh never mind. Let's go." Sakura sighed, walking away. Tomoyo followed her friend, excited at the prospect of having her to herself for a whole week. 


End file.
